When Matthew was younger, going to the doctor was pure torture. Just pulling up in the parking lot would bring tears. He would cry the whole time we were in the waiting room. The crying got more intense as we were in the exam room. Shots and looking into ears (he had frequent ear infections prior to getting tubes put in) required additional staff support. We would leave completely worn out. Pretty soon he started to associate any brick building with the doctor’s office. We would pull up to the library or a bank and he would start to whimper from the backseat. In his mind, Brick Building = Doctor.
Another one of Matthew’s fears is fireworks. He just doesn’t enjoy them at all, especially the extra loud booming ones. While we have had some semi-successful 4th of July firework experiences complete with a wagon, ipad, headphones and root beer, he still would much rather avoid them altogether. A couple of years ago, we decided to try taking him to a Brewers game. We completely forgot about the fact that they set off a few fireworks right at the beginning of the game and anytime the Brewers get a homerun. With both the fireworks and the loud clapping, Matthew was not a fan of going to the Brewer game. So now there is quite list of connections from that experience! Brewer Game = Fireworks, Packers = Brewer Game = Fireworks, any mention of the word game =Brewer game = fireworks. Unfortunately for Matthew, we are a Brewer fan family, so any mention of the Brewers, wearing of Brewer clothing or mention of the score causes him to be alarmed and think we are going to the game. Recently, I discovered a new connection to fireworks. We were at a relative’s cabin and they wanted to take us out on their boat for a quick ride. I took Matthew to the bathroom before we got out on the lake and he started crying hard in the bathroom and signing fireworks. I had no idea why he thought there were going to be fireworks on the boat, until Rob reminded me that the last time we had been on a boat we had gone out to see fireworks out on a lake. You can see how strong his connections are, because that boat ride was 5 years ago!
Sometimes just the mention of one of his fears causes a negative reaction (maybe not tears, but he has a very strong “uh uh” sound that he makes while he shakes his head no.) When Abby was in fifth grade she was part of Mad Hot Dance. We were watching one of her performances and I clearly remember them dancing to the 70’s song “Car Wash”. Every time the words “car wash” came up in that song, he would look at him with a panicky look on his face and I had to convince him that we were not going to the car wash. Unfortunately, Abby, being a typical sibling, would use the knowledge of his fear of car washes to her advantage. I would be driving somewhere and out of nowhere, Matthew would make his emphatic no sound/head gesture. I would look at Abby and say, “Why is he doing that?” She would act innocent and shrug her shoulders. But finally, one time, I caught her whispering, “Car wash” to him! She even tried to be clever and would say things like “Car shower” or “Car bath”, and he would react the same way! It was probably partly because of the suspicious way that she would whisper it to him in the backseat.
Not all of his associations are rooted in fears or negative thoughts. He has positive associations with each of his grandparents. When he sees Grandma B. he signs candy and lifts up his shirt to get his back scratched. Grandpa B. is good for lap sitting and head rubs. If Grandma S. is coming over for the day he might get out a mixing bowl and some oven mitts. Grandpa S. is synonymous with human jungle gym. And all grandparents (or should I include aunts and uncles too) get the sign “drive” as he wants to ride in their vehicles any chance he gets.
Places have special connections too:
Kohl’s = Slippers,
Target = Carseats,
The Park = Swinging
Miracle League Baseball = Piggyback rides from his buddy
Church = Trying to sit with anyone BUT Mom and Dad
This Spring Matthew had a special Parent-Child visit to the middle school just for kids that will be in the special education program. They had a whole powerpoint presentation and various staff members introduced themselves. They explained about the different classes and talked about extracurricular opportunities, but I am pretty sure the part that is stuck in his memory is the glazed doughnut that he got upon entering the auditorium. Middle School = Doughnuts!
